The sommelier is a qualified professional whose role is to advise you on your wine selection. He is also often the one who selects the wines for the establishment he works for, whether it be a gourmet restaurant, a luxury hotel, a prestigious wine cellar, or even a popular wine bar. He will be able to recommend the most suitable food and wine pairings and introduce you to new wine horizons, according to your own tastes, which he will strive to identify with a minimum of simple and precise questions. Once you have chosen your wine, as master of ceremonies, he will open the bottle according to a precise and codified ritual. First, he will present the bottle to you to obtain your approval, then he will circumcise the capsule, under the ring, so that the wine never touches the metal. It will then be time to delicately extract the cork, smell it, and let the customer taste the nectar. A "Yes, very good," a smile, and the magic begins.
That's the theory, unfortunately in practice things can sometimes be a little more nuanced and the experience can quickly turn sour!
There are three types of sommelier you should avoid at all costs:
- Alphonse, the "know-it-all," has seen and drunk everything, as they say. Don't try to talk to him about one of your favorite wines or your best tasting experience; you are and will remain a huge hick in his eyes. And beware of anyone who asks a stupid question or questions his sacrosanct knowledge of the wine world; you risk public humiliation. Alphonse has done you a great honor by bringing your bottle to your table, and he may deign to pour you more when your glasses are empty. Lower your eyes, nod, don't provoke him, and above all, don't do anything that might remind him of his status as a lackey. Let Alphonse be the king of his restaurant, but don't leave him any tips; that will teach him to be unbearable.
- Marcel the financier, the scoundrel, is interested in the bottom line, beware if you have a luxury watch or a Swiss accent! When he was offered a fixed salary with a bonus dependent on his performance, Marcel was initially doubtful, but it turns out he has perfectly understood how to exploit the vein. You will be easy prey if you are a junior trader on a date, you will be his sun if you are a business leader abusing corporate assets, if you are a Russian oligarch you will be his universe, to infinity and beyond. In the event that the vein in your forehead pops out as he turns the pages of the map, you will still get bread and wine, but also disdain.
- Titouan, the natural wine guru, we were saving that one for last. Titouan is cheerful and welcoming; after all, he's working for the general well-being! His smile will instantly disappear behind his curly hair when you ask, with a worried look, if he only offers natural wine: "Yes, here it's 100% natural wine, our customers no longer want technical wines." Zero inputs and zero sulfites, pure bliss, why hadn't we thought of that before? You can always complain about the wine's volatility, and he'll tell you that you don't know anything about it, that it's normal for the wine to smell like a stable. You can also be moved by the fact that your white wine is sparkling, "It's nothing, the wine has just started fermenting again, it's alive, you understand?" You'll leave with a stomach ache, you vile reactionary, because the bill was strangely rather technical.
Come on, let's stop there, and give a big hug to these passionate women and men who make our wines shine and our palates vibrate.